Crazy Lady Writes a Book!

I’m happy to announce that my self-publishing slump is over! I have another coal in the fire and it’s ’bout ready to burn!

I just finished editing a story I started writing for NaNoWriMo 2017, during the height of my postpartum depression and it is… a lot. I mean, I write and often think in little metaphors but when I’m experiencing big emotions and don’t know how to describe them… well…

Fear like a bat-winged demon–its gaunt body belying its otherworldly strength–wraps its claws around my throat and squeezes. I choke and sputter, clutching my stomach with both hands, trying to hold everything in place.

It’s not all like that. That would be terrible. But the bits where I feel like a total hormone-raging bag of nuts? Demon death threats and bat-winged fears, ya’ll.

Some of it’s funny. Some of it is feminist AF and a calling out of health professionals, family members of new mothers, and most especially my husband. It’s not a tell-all and you better believe I’mma market that thing as fiction to protect myself from my in-laws but there’s some real deal shit in there and I’m ready to throw it out into the world and let my story be seen.

Maybe I’ll dedicate it to Hannah Gadsby and Brene Brown. Not Beyonce, though. That goddess already knows.

Image result for self publishing meme

You can, but you can’t feel readers clicking out of your author page so it hardly counts.

Time to Pub That Themeless Series of Flash Fics

I haven’t self-published anything this year and for pretty good reason but with NaNoWriMo looming, I’m starting to feel bad about that.

I mean, I shouldn’t. I… had a child. I… suffered from postpartum depression. I… was the primary caretaker for two young children while also working two part-time jobs. The fact that I wrote at all is amazing.

But I’m so much about moving forward, especially in my writing career, that this past year feels like a limbo time suck of cognitive dissonance.

I really just want to feel like I completed something. And I didn’t. And it’s disheartening.

Image result for a case of the sads gif

At Least the Government Recognizes My Work

I’m still a noob to this self-publishing thing, only two years in and not by any means successful in the traditional “gaining attention” or “making lots of money” sense. But I did have to pay taxes on royalties this year and that’s new for me. Mind you, I spent about as much at Target this morning as I made on my books last year but still…

Success can be counted in lots of different ways.


With Subtitles Like These, Who Needs Titles?

Post about Subtitles

How to use them and who does

I’m not gonna lie, my brand new baby novel is not super popular and hasn’t generated much more than friends and relatives sales. While I keep telling myself that I don’t write for money–I have TWO jobs, both of which issue paychecks–I’m still a little bummed that this labor of love ain’t gettin’ any from anywhence else than me.

So I’m reading, I’m researching, I’m checking out articles both helpful and not so much about ebook marketing, KDP marketing, tips and tricks and whatnots when I come across a whole separate genre of marketing articles about…. SUBTITLES!

AhPPARENTly, subtitles are the bees knees and you just can’t make honey without them. But the only subtitles I’ve ever noticed on a fiction book were, “A Novel” so I really thought all that subtitle nonsense didn’t apply to me.

I was wrong.

Subtitles of fiction books can be lots of things!

The Modern Prometheus

A Tale of Passion

The Misfortunes of Virtue

Electric Boogaloo! Wait… no, that was a movie subtitle. Still, as subtitles go, that’s a pretty memorable one.

With this shiny new information, first, I will ask all ya’ll: Do you subtitle your books? Something fancy or no? Do you think it’s helps readers find your book?

Second, I need to come up with some subtitles for my books!

The Homecoming Effect: A Tale of Smut and Love and Starting Over  

Like Two Opposite Things: She Kissed a Girl and Liked It

Lay Her Ghosts to Rest: Grassroots Ghost Removal for the Newly Self-Actualized

I mean… I would read them.


Most of the Electric Boogaloo memes were super racist or political in a way that made no sense to me.

Epub Me, Web Thing

All right, writer friends, give me your knowledge! Give me your opinions! Break me off a piece of your Kit Kat bar!

I’m looking into Draft2Digital and wondering what experiences ya’ll have had with it. I uploaded a super short story–for free–and so far:

  1. Their formatting is terrible. They said they’d format for me. Does that mean taking out paragraph breaks and line spacing to make it difficult to read? Because that’s what they did.
  2. They provided me with a universal link to my book which goes to a Page Not Found on a site that is not Draft2Digital and I was all, “Huh, what? Back button, back button, where’d my stuff go?!”
  3. The status is still “Publishing” so it’s not really a surprise that links aren’t working but I can’t… find the thing where it says how long… because KDP tells you and this… doesn’t? Do I have to search the help section for information that should be presented up front?
  4. I’m feeling like an old person confronted with brand new technology who just wants to shout at clouds and take a nap. This is what I get for trying something new in a hurry while my kid naps on a blistering hot day that swells my feet and clouds my brain.


This Goes Out to All Two Fans

ltot-book-coverAs of today, my new novel, Like Two Opposite Things, is available in ebook format on Amazon and I am pretty psyched to have a decent best selling rank for once.

Not overall, of course. Not in all time paid books because I don’t get that much love.

THIS, however, is pretty awesome for an amateur:

#184 in Kindle Store > Kindle eBooks > Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender eBooks > Romance > Lesbian Romance

That’s right. #184. For … today because once my preorders aren’t being counted anymore, that number will slip down, down, down into the thousandth and the ten-thousandth and the millionth place where it probably belongs.

But I’ll tell you what: it’s nice to see a number other than $0 in my royalties chart. It’s nice to see that red line in KDP sales reports go up above 1. I’ve never expected that I would make a lot of money or gain a lot of popularity by writing books and self-publishing on Amazon but when I get just a little bit of either, it feels pretty nice.

Grandma Likes ‘Em Randy?

I was asked recently if my book is a “randy book” and I responded that it’s about 20% randy. I mean, there’s a story that has nothing to do with sex but it also has a little something to do with sex so… about 20%, I guess. Yeah.

I estimate a 20% Randiness Factor in The Homecoming Effect, on sale today and tomorrow for 99 cents.


Excerpt from Chapter 23 of The Homecoming Effect:

51aUpM62MIL._SX312_BO1,204,203,200_“There’s a condom in my back pocket,” he whispered, his lips grazing her ear as he spoke. His hands occupied themselves on the top buttons of her blouse. Her hands had been busy stroking the hair at the nape of his neck.

“Wait, what?” Bunny said, pulling back to look at him. Daniel pushed his lips against hers and the temptation to taste his tongue was too strong. She wasn’t going to lie to herself and pretend she wasn’t wanting the same thing, but this being their first kiss, pushed against the kitchen counter in her mother’s house during an unexpected mid-morning visit, she wasn’t sure she was quite ready to throw down that quickly.

His hands slid down her back and over her back side, squeezing then lifting to sit her on the counter. He leaned between her open legs, and she pulled him against her.

I should stop this, she thought, her mouth working against his. He’s… young and I’m…  and… there are so many things wrong with this, she thought, wrapping her legs around his waist. His hands traveled up her skirt by way of her knees, her thighs, resting at the crevice below her hips, his thumbs tracing the elastic line of her panties. But… isn’t he starting a job soon, she wondered, and I’ll… be busy with my son, she justified, and we’ll… probably never see each other after that so maybe…

She slipped a hand into his back pocket and there it was, the condom. Two, actually. Ambitious, she thought.


And now I’m feeling a little embarrassed that I let my grandmother read it.

She liked it, though.


Post-Apocalyptic Chick-lit for $.99

EDIT: The Countdown has begun! The Homecoming Effect is now $.99 (at 11am but whatever).

51aUpM62MIL._SX312_BO1,204,203,200_Starting today, I am taking advantage of Amazon KDP’s countdown pricing dealio and offering The Homecoming Effect for $.99.

Bunny is just trying to rebuild her life after leaving her husband when she meets an attractive young man just out of college and spending his summer babysitting his two younger brothers. But a sexy summer fling turns found family on the run when an incident at the boys’ school has a far-reaching impact on the world at large. When the only safe place for Bunny and her boys is a strict religious community suspicious of their new residents’ legitimacy, straight-shooter Bunny is force into a complicated web of lies to keep her family whole.




Bunny squared her shoulders, tucking Uncle Jerry’s old briefcase under her arm, and pushed her way out the screen door.  Junior had the other two boys busy shoveling in the back corner of the yard, which left him alone with her in the dirt driveway. He shaded his eyes to look at her and pursed his lips to whistle but thought better of it. Instead, he nodded at the house, in the general direction of the boy on the couch. Bunny shrugged. She had no more insight into Charlie’s snit than he did.

He looked away down the dirt road that led to the town square. “You want me to walk you?” he asked, grasping his shovel with both hands and leaning heavy on it. It was a boyish gesture that didn’t quite fit his manly physique but gave him the appearance of roguish indifference, which was exactly what he was going for.   

She shook her head. “Cantor is coming. He says he wants to strategize but I think he’s scoping us out.” She approached him, adjusting her dress self-consciously. He couldn’t remember her ever looking so uncomfortable in a dress. But things change, he reminded himself. People change.

“Jesus, again? What does he think he’s going to find?”

“Thankfully, it’s not about Uncle Jerry. They’ve accepted that by now. I think he’s still looking at you, actually. Running the numbers in his head, I bet, and debating which assumption is the most sinful.” She sighed, letting her posture go slack for just a moment before rolling her shoulders back again. She was steeling herself. It was a routine he’d seen a thousand times before. She was anxious and he wanted to do something about it. He wanted to smooth the lines from her forehead with his thumbs but that was too much. He knew he could lighten her mood in safer ways.

“Ain’t all sins equal?” he asked, mockingly, his gaze drifting momentarily to her hemline again. “You look nice,” he said, meeting her eyes with a wry smile. There was something about being outside the house, separated by a few feet and a large shovel, that made him feel a little more daring. “About eight years younger,” he smirked.

“In my 60-year-old dress?” she laughed. “Uncle Jerry’s mom was not a small woman. This was the best I could do.” She gave a little twirl, sending the hem up above her knees and the twinkle in her eye when she stopped reminded him of when they first met. He leaned his shovel back against the car and took a step toward her, reaching for her in his mind, but failing to translate that thought into action.

The scuffling of stones on the street nearby stopped both their breaths and they jerked their heads in the direction of the ominous sound. “Ready?” she asked, taking a deep, calming breath and planting a fake smile on her face. Junior didn’t move. He wished he’d kept the shovel. His head was frozen on his neck, his eyes fixed on the spot where Cantor would soon appear from behind the tree line, nose-first, chin-second, and balding head third.

The very second the shiny forehead appeared, Bunny sprang into action, playing the part she had invented the day the family of five had arrived on Uncle Jerry’s doorstep. “Oh what timing, Cantor, I was just checking on the boys before heading out to meet you! Charlie’s a little under the weather, I’m afraid. Sleeping off a fever as we speak. We just can’t seem to get used to this heat.”

“Mrs. Brandt,” Cantor nodded, “Mr. Brandt. How’s the day treatin’ ya?”

“Fine,” grunted Junior, reaching back to pick up his shovel. He swung it over his right shoulder in what he imagined was a manly and intimidating gesture. He was sure it wouldn’t affect the old man, given the full foot he stood over him or the roughly 40 year age difference, but it made Junior feel better to assert himself regardless.

“And your boys?” Cantor asked, making no attempt to hide the suspicion in his voice. What good was a shovel and 6 feet of muscle against an old man’s mouth?


“As it should be,” he said, turning back to Bunny, nonplussed. “Shall we?” he asked and Junior cringed at the false courtesy.

Bunny ran a hand over Junior’s slick shoulder, smearing dirt and sweat, something she wouldn’t do for any but the most discerning audience.  Cupping his chin in her hand, she pulled him down for a quick peck on the lips. Junior tightened his grip on the shovel, his eyes trained on the old man, whose brow furrowed as he judged the interaction.

As she pulled away, Bunny patted Junior’s cheek tenderly, pretending an intimacy that wasn’t entirely unpleasant to him. Nor did he fail to notice that as she dropped her hand from his cheek, she let it slide down his neck, tickle his collarbone, and rest ever so briefly on his chest. It was the only time she’d get away with it and he knew she knew it just as she knew he wouldn’t comment on it later.

“Lunch is on the counter, don’t leave it sittin’.” She patted his pec twice before dropping her hand. “Charlie can come outside after he eats but don’t give him nothin’ too strenuous. Boy wants to impress his daddy,” she said to Cantor, “don’t they always?”

She led Cantor down the driveway, calling back to Junior, “I’ll be back ‘fore dinner, Darlin’. Wait for me!”

It was the “wait for me” that struck him. She hadn’t said that since the last time they almost got caught.

The Homecoming Effect available on Amazon Feb 1 – Feb 3 for $.99.

A Self-Published Gal Self-Promotin’

How about some quick, fun, and free entertainment this week?

 A Flash of Effect is free this week on Amazon!

From January 23 to January 27, I’m using my KDP promotion option to give my little nugget of a story away for free. Grab yours, give it a read and then, be a dear and leave a little review? I’ll take however many stars you’re willing to give, good folk. Because THAT is how Amazon works, ain’t it?


51aubuobgylA Flash of Effect: Inside the world of The Homecoming Effect in four short-short stories

From the author’s notes and character studies, these four flash fiction stories take you inside the world of the novel The Homecoming Effect and the character of Bunny whose motivations and backstory aren’t always as they appear. Each short story expands on the character’s inner workings, from her fierce–albeit sometimes misguided–Mama Bear instinct to her complicated relationship with “the truth”.




P.S. The Homecoming Effect is on sale starting next week. You could have both books for less than a cup o’ joe.


She’s Still My “kiss-virgin dork baby”

I am pleased as pineapple punch (and watching too much Doc McStuffins) to announce the imminent arrival of my new novel!

Like Two Opposite Things is a LGBTQ (heavy on the B) coming of age romance novel set in the 1990s, that addresses issues of sexuality and consent with an emphasis on positive, realistic teen relationships. A fun nostalgic read for 90s kids and a reinforcement of healthy social dynamics for modern teens, the fluffy romance is still smart and socially conscious. 

As I have already sworn to my mother, it is entirely fictitious (no, Mom, I don’t think you’re a neglectful, overly critical, irresponsible parent. Geez!) but based on some shenanigans that my camp friends back in the day may have gotten up to (like that time they played spin the bottle without me!!!).

It’s a pre-cell phone, not sure where anyone is unless you ask around, old-fashioned fun (I mean, if the 90s are really considered “old” already) figuring out how to have fun in the woods without getting in too much trouble kind of tale.

And it will be available on starting February 10, 2017.


ltot-book-coverLike Two Opposite Things
(available 2/10/17 on Amazon)

It all happens here, in the armpit of the jetty on the far end of North Beach. This is where Helia Desiderio–nick-named Hell-yeah by her friends–ends her reign as a kiss-virgin dork baby and finally gets up close to the campground jock, her crush, Patrick. But nothing goes the way she plans: not the kissing, not the crushing, and definitely not the no-big-dealness of kissing both girls and boys. When she has to chose between the surprisingly sweet boy who loves her and the best friend she didn’t know she had, Hell-yeah’s forced to figure out some things about life and love and who she really wants to be.