It’s What You Sign Up For

My whole life right now is diapers and wipes.

Diapers and wipes.

Transformers and Paw Patrol and diapers and wipes.

Obsess Much, Mommy?

Let’s just lay out the disclaimer here: I’m not recommending this because I’m not sure it’s healthy but it is where I’m at and blogs is for sharin’.

Obsession is what gets me through tough times. And right now? I’m having a bit of a tough time.

So right now… I’m obsessed with Riverdale. I’m in my second binge and have a permanent page open on my phone browser with rotating fanfic. When I’m particularly stressed out and not in immediate need of all my mental faculties, I escape back into whatever fic I was last reading and play it out in my head.

And it works. It helps me calm down, think about something else for a while, find perspective, and NOT obsess about whatever I’m stressing about.

The only conflict I have in my head about it is having a TV crush on a character played by the adult version of Ross Geller’s obnoxious son. That feels a little weird…

… but I ain’t sorry.

Jelly Belly

Whelp, I did it. I had a baby. And while now is the time a professional writer would be making art out of pain, I’m gonna go couch and bingewatch and snuggle my new little muffin.

For like, a month. ‘Cause ouch.

Actual picture of me and my super fuzzy child. J/K. Sort of.

I Spent a Week in Riverdale

Archie is a tool. Jughead is the future.

Betty is real life. Veronica is caricature.

Luke Perry is still Luke Perry and I am here for it.

Anyway, that’s my assessment after binge watching Season 1 of Riverdale this week.

What I love about both Betty and Jughead is that they are complex, nuanced, constantly battling the light and dark within, and so so sweet.

What I don’t like about Archie is that he’s a GOOD GUY. He’s naive and self-absorbed and uncomplicated and just a dumbass. I don’t like that Veronica pulled a 180 on her formerly mean girl self without any kind of (shown) redemptive storyline. Just “I bullied this girl and she transferred and that made me feel bad but I still talk about my expensive clothes and live off bags of cash.” Oh so you’re just nice now? Mmhmm, ok.

I’ll tell you why Betty’s mom prefers the wrong side of the tracks boyfriend to the narcissist next door: because Jughead is a real person with real feelings and Archie is a … well, he’s just a 1960s comic book character who treats Betty like a minor character in his own drama.

Boys from the wrong side of the tracks know struggle and pain and heartache and loyalty. It’s those clean cut, charismatic, football playing, homecoming king winning dudebros you gotta look out for.

 

Pushing Out Our Babies

I read a blog post today comparing book writing with child birthing and while it was metaphorically delicious and lovely to read, I’m over here like… yeahhhh, I’m ’bout to actually have a baby and it’s much scarier than a book launch.

I launched that book last month. It went out into the world and my hooha suffered no damage whatsoever in the process. I slept well that night and several nights afterward.

Not so with real babies.

 

But I am prepping like it’s my job and I’m happy to report that every bag has been packed, every diaper-holder filled, every piece of laundry I can use in the next 6 months has been washed, folded, and put away. I am as ready as I could be for this baby.

But here’s the third biggest difference between baby-making and book-writing: I Can’t Start Until She’s Ready.

Whereas… if I were writing book, I’d already be elbow-deep.

Cover It Good

The Help Me subject of the day, writer friends, is book covers.

I’ve been using the KDP Cover Creator because it’s easy and free but it’s also very limited and frustrating in that… like, you do the thing and then it undoes the thing way. You know what I’m sayin’?

And while my design skills and software are certainly an upgrade from Cover Creator, my turnaround time is way longer and, let’s be honest, I do not have the time or patience right now (still pregnant, if you’re counting. More and more cranky about it too.)

SO, I am looking for professional services. And I am taking suggestions.

Where do you go for cheap but better than Cover Creator book covers?

Jabba Says No

My husband didn’t respond as sympathetically as I wanted him to last night when I moaned and groaned about my pain and discomfort so I said, “You know what? You could not handle this. You would be crying under the covers if you had to feel this kind of pain every day, every time you stood or sat or tried to walk or rolled over in bed. I’m gonna make you watch that video of the guys hooked up to stomach electrodes to simulate period cramps. Those whiny little jerks cried and fell apart over the kind of discomfort that happens every month to most women. That’s NOTHING compared to the feeling of having a fetus head wedged in your pelvis. NOTHING!”

Then he got me a glass of water and rubbed my back.

Meanwhile, I’ve spend a little bit of time today doing what the experts suggest and checking out Amazon Kindle Book categories I’m interested in throwing a new book into, just to see what people are searching for, what people are buying and rating, and where my story idea might fit in.

And guess what nonsense I am seeing too much of in the Bisexual Romance category!

Mpreg.

Freaking mpreg.

That would be Male Pregnancy, for those not in the know. The only reason I’m in the know is because of the Teen Wolf fan fiction I may have read since my favorite character left the show a while back.

Now… I have no problem with men raising babies. Not gay men, not straight men, not transgender men. Anyone with any kind of nurturing skills can raise a child and I support Dad Rights.

But men being pregnant? I don’t… know… about all that. With the exception of trans men, who have some experience with woman pain, that is. Perhaps it is sexist of me, perhaps I’m just extra sensitive because of my current condition, but maybe it has a lot more to do with the mpreg stories I have read having been written by people who have never been pregnant and think it’s all cute and sweet and rose-scented birthing rooms or whatever but I’m just… just no.

Just no to the stories of handsome pregnant men who grow an adorable little bump under their six-pack and then poop out an infant and go right back to being hot and sexually active but this time, with a little nugget asleep in the bassinet beside their bed. Awww!

No.

The only accuracy in these stories is that yes, it does feel like you’re pooping out a child. The rest is utter nonsense and I am personally offended by any pregnant anyone who maintains a six-pack over their baby bump.

But again, I’m a little overly sensitive about such things right now.

Typical mpreg character

Actual photo of me this morning

Fiction vs. reality, mpreg authors. 

Rank Me

Movin’ on down!

Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #17,370 Free in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Free in Kindle Store)

• #176 in Kindle Store > Kindle eBooks > Literature & Fiction > Horror > Occult
• #586 in Kindle Store > Kindle eBooks > Literature & Fiction > Contemporary Fiction > Women’s Fiction
• #1252 in Kindle Store > Kindle eBooks > Literature & Fiction > Women’s Fiction

 

Although I feel like maybe the folks finding my self-care with ghosts novel through the Horror > Occult category are going to be really disappointed. Hopefully, they’re not the type to leave reviews.

Lay Her Ghosts to Rest by Eda J. Vor

Reviewer name: BooFoYou

1 out of 5 stars

The scariest part of this book was the feminism. Female ghosts who speak their minds, who call out their abusers, and who have more power than men? TERRIFYING! It’s like a challenge to the entire cultural order. I don’t like it. I’m telling Reddit*.

*I know nothing of Reddit except that people complain about stuff on there a lot.