I Spent a Week in Riverdale

Archie is a tool. Jughead is the future.

Betty is real life. Veronica is caricature.

Luke Perry is still Luke Perry and I am here for it.

Anyway, that’s my assessment after binge watching Season 1 of Riverdale this week.

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What I love about both Betty and Jughead is that they are complex, nuanced, constantly battling the light and dark within, and so so sweet.

What I don’t like about Archie is that he’s a GOOD GUY. He’s naive and self-absorbed and uncomplicated and just a dumbass. I don’t like that Veronica pulled a 180 on her formerly mean girl self without any kind of (shown) redemptive storyline. Just “I bullied this girl and she transferred and that made me feel bad but I still talk about my expensive clothes and live off bags of cash.” Oh so you’re just nice now? Mmhmm, ok.

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I’ll tell you why Betty’s mom prefers the wrong side of the tracks boyfriend to the narcissist next door: because Jughead is a real person with real feelings and Archie is a … well, he’s just a 1960s comic book character who treats Betty like a minor character in his own drama.

Boys from the wrong side of the tracks know struggle and pain and heartache and loyalty. It’s those clean cut, charismatic, football playing, homecoming king winning dudebros you gotta look out for.

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Pushing Out Our Babies

I read a blog post today comparing book writing with child birthing and while it was metaphorically delicious and lovely to read, I’m over here like… yeahhhh, I’m ’bout to actually have a baby and it’s much scarier than a book launch.

I launched that book last month. It went out into the world and my hooha suffered no damage whatsoever in the process. I slept well that night and several nights afterward.

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Not so with real babies.

 

But I am prepping like it’s my job and I’m happy to report that every bag has been packed, every diaper-holder filled, every piece of laundry I can use in the next 6 months has been washed, folded, and put away. I am as ready as I could be for this baby.

But here’s the third biggest difference between baby-making and book-writing: I Can’t Start Until She’s Ready.

Whereas… if I were writing book, I’d already be elbow-deep.

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Cover It Good

The Help Me subject of the day, writer friends, is book covers.

I’ve been using the KDP Cover Creator because it’s easy and free but it’s also very limited and frustrating in that… like, you do the thing and then it undoes the thing way. You know what I’m sayin’?

And while my design skills and software are certainly an upgrade from Cover Creator, my turnaround time is way longer and, let’s be honest, I do not have the time or patience right now (still pregnant, if you’re counting. More and more cranky about it too.)

SO, I am looking for professional services. And I am taking suggestions.

Where do you go for cheap but better than Cover Creator book covers?

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Jabba Says No

My husband didn’t respond as sympathetically as I wanted him to last night when I moaned and groaned about my pain and discomfort so I said, “You know what? You could not handle this. You would be crying under the covers if you had to feel this kind of pain every day, every time you stood or sat or tried to walk or rolled over in bed. I’m gonna make you watch that video of the guys hooked up to stomach electrodes to simulate period cramps. Those whiny little jerks cried and fell apart over the kind of discomfort that happens every month to most women. That’s NOTHING compared to the feeling of having a fetus head wedged in your pelvis. NOTHING!”

Then he got me a glass of water and rubbed my back.

Meanwhile, I’ve spend a little bit of time today doing what the experts suggest and checking out Amazon Kindle Book categories I’m interested in throwing a new book into, just to see what people are searching for, what people are buying and rating, and where my story idea might fit in.

And guess what nonsense I am seeing too much of in the Bisexual Romance category!

Mpreg.

Freaking mpreg.

That would be Male Pregnancy, for those not in the know. The only reason I’m in the know is because of the Teen Wolf fan fiction I may have read since my favorite character left the show a while back.

Now… I have no problem with men raising babies. Not gay men, not straight men, not transgender men. Anyone with any kind of nurturing skills can raise a child and I support Dad Rights.

But men being pregnant? I don’t… know… about all that. With the exception of trans men, who have some experience with woman pain, that is. Perhaps it is sexist of me, perhaps I’m just extra sensitive because of my current condition, but maybe it has a lot more to do with the mpreg stories I have read having been written by people who have never been pregnant and think it’s all cute and sweet and rose-scented birthing rooms or whatever but I’m just… just no.

Just no to the stories of handsome pregnant men who grow an adorable little bump under their six-pack and then poop out an infant and go right back to being hot and sexually active but this time, with a little nugget asleep in the bassinet beside their bed. Awww!

No.

The only accuracy in these stories is that yes, it does feel like you’re pooping out a child. The rest is utter nonsense and I am personally offended by any pregnant anyone who maintains a six-pack over their baby bump.

But again, I’m a little overly sensitive about such things right now.

Fiction vs. reality, mpreg authors. 

Rank Me

Movin’ on down!

Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #17,370 Free in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Free in Kindle Store)

 

Although I feel like maybe the folks finding my self-care with ghosts novel through the Horror > Occult category are going to be really disappointed. Hopefully, they’re not the type to leave reviews.

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Lay Her Ghosts to Rest by Eda J. Vor

Reviewer name: BooFoYou

1 out of 5 stars

The scariest part of this book was the feminism. Female ghosts who speak their minds, who call out their abusers, and who have more power than men? TERRIFYING! It’s like a challenge to the entire cultural order. I don’t like it. I’m telling Reddit*.

*I know nothing of Reddit except that people complain about stuff on there a lot.

When You Give It Away, You Get Labeled

Hey, I’m finally in the category I want to be in! Thanks Amazon!

Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #92,536 Free in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Free in Kindle Store)

I consider most of what I write to be Women’s Fiction because my main characters are women and those women have STORIES that need to be told. But I get a lot of my sellers rank through other categories… like Occult which is not totally accurate. Horror is not at all accurate, unless we’re talking about the main character’s ex. He’s a little bit of a nightmare, I suppose.

Regardless, Lay Her Ghosts to Rest is getting some attention and all I have to do was, you know, give it away for free.

Get yours for free on Amazon today (and also tomorrow and the next day)!

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GiveItAway GiveItAway Now

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Time for a Promo!

Aug 29 through Sept 2, Lay Her Ghosts to Rest is Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

I need some readers, you need an excuse to review a book you know you’re better than. It’s a match made in Kindle, really.

Download your copy of my paranormal, self-care, workplace drama, chicklit, speculative fiction book about a lady who talks to ghosts and then tell me how full of crap I am on the review form.

 

 

Everyone LOVES wakes and funerals, Eda. What are you even TALKING about? –Morticia McMacabre

 

I don’t understand the Bob Marley reference. –Heather Lynn Clearbottom

 

That ghost in the smart red suit sounds great. Let’s hear more about her. –Anonymous Female Politician

 

It’s wonderful, Sweetheart. I’m so proud of you! –My grandmother

 

Your turn. Whattaya got for me, reader?

Scarcity and Stickers

I have to tamp down on this urge I have to encourage my son to save stickers.

“Save” them. Because they are so valuable and they have such abundant and practical uses that we wouldn’t want to “waste” them by, you know, putting them on our clothes and our arms and our toys and other places that do no damage to anything but the stickers themselves.

I have a lot of “saving” urges. Not hoarding, mind you, but like… save the most delicious part of the meal for the end. Save the strawberries so we can still have some at the end of the week. Save the battery life on the phone so I still have plenty by the time I get home.

Pointless things. Things that make no sense. Things I’m afraid will go away too quickly but really, things that are meant to be used or enjoyed right now.

My dad said once, “I used to save the best parts of the trail mix til the end so the last part I ate was the part I liked best. But sometimes, someone comes along when you’re at the end and all that’s left is the parts you like best and scoops them all up and eats them before you get any.”

(I think my mom may have eaten the chocolate bits one day)

“I don’t do that anymore,” he said. “I eat the part I like best first because why not?”

sark-thiswayI’m a big fan of the author, SARK, and all her wonderfully illustrated books because more so than any other self-help type book, she makes me feel like she’s holding my hand and accompanying me down the dark aisles of my brain, waiting for me to discover, process, mourn any losses, adjust my perspective, and accept the truth without judgement.

She writes about Scarcity Thinking (and I wish I remembered which book, but I don’t right now) and how coming from a perspective of Scarcity rather than Abundance limits our behaviors and encourages our fears.

Apparently, I’m scared that there aren’t enough stickers.

Or that there aren’t enough pleasurable things or experiences so I have to hold fast to the few I know are available.

It’s not true, of course. And it’s certainly not the kind of thinking I want to encourage in my son. Because even if there is a limit on battery life or strawberries or chocolate bits, there are other things out there to be enjoyed. There are other experiences to appreciate. And there are SO MANY other stickers.

So, sure, stick all the stickers, one on top of the other, all over your shirt, little dude. Even when we run out of stickers, there are plenty other wonderful things to see and do and explore and enjoy.

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With Subtitles Like These, Who Needs Titles?

Post about Subtitles

How to use them and who does

I’m not gonna lie, my brand new baby novel is not super popular and hasn’t generated much more than friends and relatives sales. While I keep telling myself that I don’t write for money–I have TWO jobs, both of which issue paychecks–I’m still a little bummed that this labor of love ain’t gettin’ any from anywhence else than me.

So I’m reading, I’m researching, I’m checking out articles both helpful and not so much about ebook marketing, KDP marketing, tips and tricks and whatnots when I come across a whole separate genre of marketing articles about…. SUBTITLES!

AhPPARENTly, subtitles are the bees knees and you just can’t make honey without them. But the only subtitles I’ve ever noticed on a fiction book were, “A Novel” so I really thought all that subtitle nonsense didn’t apply to me.

I was wrong.

Subtitles of fiction books can be lots of things!

The Modern Prometheus

A Tale of Passion

The Misfortunes of Virtue

Electric Boogaloo! Wait… no, that was a movie subtitle. Still, as subtitles go, that’s a pretty memorable one.

With this shiny new information, first, I will ask all ya’ll: Do you subtitle your books? Something fancy or no? Do you think it’s helps readers find your book?

Second, I need to come up with some subtitles for my books!

The Homecoming Effect: A Tale of Smut and Love and Starting Over  

Like Two Opposite Things: She Kissed a Girl and Liked It

Lay Her Ghosts to Rest: Grassroots Ghost Removal for the Newly Self-Actualized

I mean… I would read them.

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Most of the Electric Boogaloo memes were super racist or political in a way that made no sense to me.

Those Fickle Writers

Aaaaand PIVOT! I’m writing something else.

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I like the teen angsty WIP I started last week but I’ve also got this food-obsessed, self-care, CEN* WIP started that might be easier to write because it’s more grown-up, real life, I JUST saw the chaotic result of educated, professional adults sharing a kitchenette type piece that speaks to me as a person who likes to complain about stuff fictionally. Seriously with the dirty mugs, people? And the OPEN containers of leftovers sitting on the window sil for the entire weekend? I just can’t with you people.

It has come to my attention–AGAIN–that I write for my own sanity, not for the pleasure of my readers and really, I need to be writing what I need to be working on in my own brain. Between being too pregnant to function physically in the ways I am accustomed to functioning (I have been benched by my OBGYN and cannot exercise in the ways that make me feel like life is enjoyable) and my inability to distinguish when I am hungry and when I am not so I’m bored and I eat regardless, this new WIP speaks to me. Much more so than some teenage throwback life lesson I should have learned at 16 but didn’t so I force the lesson on fictional characters instead.

My hashtag game tweets may be a bit disjointed for a while as I submit from two WIPS with wildly different themes.

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*Childhood Emotional Neglect, which I suspect MANY MANY people suffer from based on just the number of a-holes I’ve encountered this week. “Your parents didn’t love you, did they?” I scream out my car window as a motorcyclist swerves to a stop behind me, cursing ME out, because I stopped for a pedestrian in a crosswalk with blinky yellow lights anyone who was paying attention would have seen from a safe enough stopping distance.

Anyway, take the quiz to find out if you’re one of them! And then use your freaking blinker, jackhole**!

**Totally joking. CEN seems pretty legit and really could be at the root of much of the dysfunction of … most of the people I’ve ever encountered, actually.