I Can Troll My Own Self

Book promotions are the best! Where normally, my Amazon Best Seller Rank is up there in the millions, when I give these babies away for free, I get to see things like this:

Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #21,973 Free in Kindle Store

 

Does that mean tons of people are reading my book?! Noooo, not even a little bit. But some people are downloading it. Perhaps some of them are reading it. Maybe one of them might actually like it.

I can pretty much guarantee that the person who hates it leaves a review though. That seems to be how these things work.

81 star review By BigPartyPooper

Subject: Turd books I half-read but am somehow still qualified to comment on

This book deserves negative stars. It deserves black holes. Like 3 million of them. I like stories that are the same as the stories I’ve already read. I want the characters to be so incredibly original that they defy my expectations by doing exactly what I expect them to do. I also want them to think like I would and act like I would and it would be cool if all the chick characters were super hot and into me and all the male characters justified my bad behaviors while also having a smaller penis than me. Also, I’ve never written a book in my life, have no idea what goes into it or any respect for people who try, but I am an expert narrative critic and spellang chompian. Please engage me by disagreeing with me. Please. Somebody pleaaaaase engage me (I’m so lonely).

I should start writing book reviews. I’m like, REALLY good at it.

Anyway, my very first novel, The Homecoming Effect, is still free for the next few days on Amazon and actually, the one and only review I got on it is really positive! And… also written by someone I know who, by the way, is terrible at trolling and needs to worsify her spellang and grammerizing if she ever wants to be a real online book reviewer.

homecoming5.0 out of 5 stars
on March 14, 2016 

I adored this book! The characters are multifaceted and relatable, even when they are unlikable. A great choice for fans of dystopian fiction, with a fresh voice and vision. Buy and read this book, and you will be wishing for more from this author.
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