Is There Gold in Them There Leftovers?

Oh a house-hunting we go, my fam and I and today’s selection was a definite NO.

As far as crap shacks go, the house was on the decent end of the spectrum… unless you count what the current tenants have done to it.


I have ish with buying tenant-occupied houses partially because my bestie was in a rent-to-buy situation many years back that didn’t work out. She and her husband spent a month cleaning out the possum-trap of a pool. They painted, they repaired, they loved… and then they lost. It was a total bullcrap bait-and-switch and who’s to say, when you try to buy an occupied house, that the tenants will actually leave when the deed switches hands.

Ish number two is exactly what I saw today: tenants who do not give a flying fudgesicle about your hardwood floors and granite counter tops. They’re here to drink some (by which I mean AH LOT of) beer, leave their laundry all over the floor, let you know what they had for lunch… yesterday and possibly last week, and totally light a candle before leaving the house. Oh yeah, unattended candle burning in the living room on a shelf with a few too many screws built in the dark with a butter-knife screwdriver. And that was just the first floor.

The basement was the stuff of nightmares. If you’re me. I have nightmares about bathrooms and finding bathrooms and fitting into bathrooms (oftentimes, the doors to the bathrooms in my dreams are mouse holes or Dagobah caves) or feeling like I’m trapped in the bathroom only it’s not a real bathroom and I have to pee on a dirty lounge chair. The basement bathroom in this house was about a foot above floor level without the accompanying rise in ceiling.

Now, I am a small woman. When I can touch the ceiling without much effort, well that there is a tiny ass little room. And there was a shower. And I think the top of my head would have reached just above the shower head. Soooo….. no. That’s a no. Nightmare bathroom? Definitely not.

We thanked the realtor, who had to work WAY TOO HARD to get us in to see the place, as we stepped over the decorative shards of broken beer bottles in the driveway, noting that Oh, Wow, the garage IS big if it can fit that many empty boxes of beer! Then we drove away shuttering and frankly, a bit offended that they would ask THAT MUCH for a place that honestly, could have burned down by now. It’s been about four hours so… yeah, a little place like that with so much kindling (the dirty laundry and empty beer cases on the floor) could probably go up pretty quickly, right?

In no way does this compete with the Game of Thrones basement gate house but it was up there on the “this showing was a mistake” list.

Meanwhile, we saw a house last week in the final stages of construction that might just be a dream house. We put in a call to the contractor today to see if we can’t get things moving because… seriously, the market in our area right now is crap shacks and junior crap shacks (those being smaller by a ridiculous degree) and our house might just sell supa-quick despite its smaller size if only because it seems pretty obvious that no one’s been murdered in our bathrooms.


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