“Ma’am, I am so sorry for this confusion. It must be very frustrating.”
“Yes, thank you for validating my feelings,” I said, “but I’m less interested in a therapy session than I am in the mattress I ordered. Can we use this time to figure out where it is and whether or not it is coming to live at my house anytime soon?”
“Well, unfortunately, I can’t give you that answer right now. We’ll have to reach out to the shipping department and see if we can’t get this straightened out. They usually get back to us in about an hour then I can give you a call back and let you know what’s going on.”
Ya’ll, Bob’s Discount Furniture is ghosting me. I’ve had that exact same conversation FOUR times over the past 2 weeks. FOUR TIMES I’ve been told I’d get a call back and so far, THREE of those times, I did not get a call back.
I don’t think Bob’s is that into me. I think Bob’s is just trying to let me down easy by promising to call and then not calling. But here I am, tearing out my hair and questioning my worth as a human woman because, “WHY DON’T YOU LIKE ME?! WHY WON’T YOU CALL?! AND WHERE THE HELL IS MY DAMN MATTRESS?!”
Sometimes it’s better to be honest, friends. “Listen, it’s not that you’re a bad customer. You’re a great customer! You buy things and pay for them and occasionally post pictures on Facebook of the nice things we sell you. But, in this case, it just doesn’t seem like it’s going to work out. We totally lost your mattress. And we’re sorry. We’re happy to refund your money and throw in a bit of store credit so you can find another mattress. I’m sorry, but that’s just the way it is.”
And maybe I’d cry and maybe I’d feel rejected but I would pick myself up, dust myself off, and go find another mattress that isn’t lost.
Don’t let me down easy, Bob’s. Tell me you lost my mattress. Make amends. Give refunds. Incentivize me to keep shopping with you instead of writing nasty Yelp reviews about how every time I call to ask about the mattress I ordered and PAID FOR, you blame shipping, you promise to “figure it out and get back to me”, you tell me you’re sorry for my hurt feelings but then completely refuse to take responsibility or, you know, fix the problem.
In love and customer service, you close the loop. YOU CLOSE THE LOOP so everyone can move on with their lives!