How to Scare the Snot Out of a Paranoid Person

I work Sundays in a very large building attached to several other very large buildings for an organization that employs thousands of people, only 1/5 of which work on Sundays. On a weekday, 80-100 people work on my floor alone. On Sundays, there’s like… 5 of us. Maybe. And most of them just stop by to complete a couple of pressing tasks and leave within a few hours. As an introvert, I freaking love this situation. As a paranoid person, it can get a little sketchy at times.

Sound carries in big empty rooms. I can hear someone sneeze from the opposite side of the floor. And when I wasn’t aware there was anyone else around, that sneeze scares the bajesus out of me.

This morning, walking down the stairs in the parking garage, I thought I heard someone talking. That voice could have been coming from anywhere, any floor, maybe outside WHO KNOWS because parking garages carry sound to infinity and beyond on noisy days, never mind desolate Sundays. But as I approached the floor with the bridge to my building, the voice disappeared so I assumed it was further away and forgot about it completely.

UNTIL! some woman, who I presume was leaning against a car and that’s why I didn’t immediately notice her, jumped up, all aggression and intensity and yelled, “THAT’S WHAT I MEAN! I don’t even think she really thinks that, she’s just like, been programmed to think that that’s what she has to think…”

AH! GAWD! WHY?! I startled and expelled air, as one who is frightened does, but instead of coming out of my mouth in some form of appropriate exclamation of fear, it came out my nose. With company.

And that’s how some chick in the parking garage scared the literal snot out of me this morning.

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