Kiais in a Vacuum

I keep meaning to write about writing on my writer blog but then I remember that writing about writing is boring and no one cares. So I’m going to write about Ninja Turtles.

I am not against change. I’m not opposed to evolution. I’m a writer, damnit, and I know that if a character or fictional world is going to survive, it needs to grow and change and evolve.

But in space? Really?

My son has discovered the Ninja Turtles through toys and t-shirts and various other media. I thought I’d scroll through OnDemand and see if I could find him some context for those toys because, as far as I know (by which I mean I assume based on no concrete knowledge) the Ninja Turtles have never truly been off air since sometime in the 80s.

Thank you Nickelodeon for making me feel correct, there is a brand new Ninja Turtles show… set in space. Where no one can hear you hi-ya. And it. is. dumb.

You see, an evil race of triceratops aliens have used a black hole machine to encompass the Earth? The Ninja Turtles, along with formerly adult/currently teen April and Casey have escaped with the help of a robot with a cyborg brain? And now they have to traverse the galaxy looking for pieces of the black hole machine to reverse the effects and save Earth? And from what I can tell, their ninja abilities are negated by their bulky astronaut suits so they just bounce around with their signature weapons strapped to their shells UNDERNEATH their space suits.

Soooo… yeah.

Not being a degenerate internet troll who gets irrationally angry about such things, I’m not calling for a boycott or threatening sexual violence on the creators. I have better things to do with my time. But unless a focus group of actual 8-year-olds demanded this particular evolution, I’d say the franchise has distorted its original creativity. If, however, my focus group suggestion is true and a new generation of children are getting exactly the storylines that fuel their storytelling needs, then I’m down. Give the children what they want. Even if it’s useless ninja abilities in space.


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